I've lost so much, but I've gained more...
On July 2, 2020 I lost my breasts, what I felt like was a huge part of my womanhood, feeling on my entire torso, and relationships, time, and so much energy. After getting me through my surgeries, I lost my companion, Joshua, on May 18, 2021. What I gained, though, is infinite and priceless. I gained the confidence to wear my flaws proudly; I earned them after all. I gained the self-love to set boundaries; boundaries with people, situations, my job, and myself. And overall, I gained a new perspective on life that leaves me feeling refreshed.
If you're new here, I'll provide the skinny on me..
I created this blog because when I first started planning for my preventive double mastectomy, I remember trying to mentally, emotionally, and physically prepare and feeling SO lost and overwhelmed. Even my surgeon to this day can't comprehend how difficult this journey is for her patients.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 7 years old and she was 32. She survived! And then, we learned in my early adulthood that she, my sister, and I all carry the BRCA1 mutation. So, it was my care plan to become a previvor before turning 30. I basically made it. In October, 2019, I got word that I could have the surgery and found a surgeon that I felt was worth gambling on. On July 2, 2020 I had a preventive double mastectomy (6+ hour surgery). On July 21, I had DIEP reconstruction (17.5 hour surgery) followed by a 5-day ICU stay, and then on December 9, 2020, I had my tubes removed and revisions done up top (5 hour surgery). I forgot to mention above that I also lost my memory and much of my hair :) It was HARD. Mentally and physically preparing my life and my home, in the middle of a pandemic no less, was HARD. I'd done a lot of difficult things in life and made very challenging decisions but this one took the cake. Now that I've made it to the DIEP side, though, I wouldn't change a thing.
It was a solid 12 weeks before I felt like myself after DIEP. It was a solid 5 months before I could wear jeans and I felt comfortable tying my shoes again. And at the year mark, I tried doing crunches today and am still struggling. I SO wish I'd had physical therapy! I let my surgeon make me feel like an idiot for wanting it.
On that note, I knew my lifestyle would be different post-DIEP. You know that saying, 'you are what you eat?' It couldn't be more true. I only put whole things in and in turn, gone are the days I feel sluggish, bloated, etc. I exercise daily (that isn't new) and really prioritize my own wellness.
After spending a year as a patient, I decided to jump out of the 'healthcare' boat and into a different world. I am now officially working in the fight against cancer. As a previvor, I feel incredibly humbled and honored to serve in this way. Will you help us fight? Donate online.
Check it out! Be sure to find my helpful links post. Over the course of the next few months, I hope to have everything better organized now that the dust has settled but in the meantime, please bare with me :)
